When aftercare isn’t happening

First of all: you are not alone

If you have come to this lesson, something isn’t working, and you may have spent a few days feeling like the only parent who can’t manage a thirty-second task.

You are not. A toddler who has worked out what is coming and objects before you’ve even started is the most normal thing in the world. Of course they have opinions about it.

Nothing in this lesson asks you to be firmer or more determined. Most of it is about changing the conditions around it.

Try these first, one at a time

1. Change the time. Lesson 3.4 has ideas. Give a new time two or three days before you judge it.

2. Change who does it. If one parent has become “the tongue person”, swap. If you have been doing it on your own, borrow someone for a few days.

3. Change the lead-up. If your little one can see it coming from the other end of the hallway, shorten the build-up. Do it where you already are, without announcing it.

4. Change the position. Across two laps, on the change table, standing at a mirror, on the floor, in the bath.

5. Make it shorter. When a child is sore or struggling, doing less, going slower, or doing one area at a time is better than giving up altogether.

If they clamp their mouth shut

This happens, and it is nothing to worry about in itself.

Please don’t force their mouth open, and don’t hold them down. Pushing on through tears can teach a child to dread having their mouth touched at all — and that is a much bigger problem than one missed session.

Instead:

• Stop, and have a cuddle. Let everyone settle.
• Turn it back into play. A funny noise, a silly song, Froggy poking his tongue out first.
• Keep it short when you try again, with lots of praise.
• Try again later in the day, at a calmer moment.

If clamping is happening at almost every session, please tell your provider. They may adjust the plan.

If you’ve missed some days

Missing a day — or even a few — happens to lots of families. Don’t panic, and don’t try to “catch up” by doing it harder, longer or more often.

Simply go back to the plan your provider gave you. If your little one has become uncomfortable or wary, start gently again, and keep the focus on happy, playful mouth and tongue movement.

Look at how the tongue is moving and working, not only at how the area looks. The healing area changes in appearance as it heals, so its look alone doesn’t tell you whether the tongue is becoming restricted again.

Contact your provider if you notice:

• tongue movement that has reduced compared with earlier after the release
• increasing tightness or restriction under the tongue
• feeding, chewing or swallowing becoming harder
• increasing pain, swelling or bleeding, signs of infection, or any other worry about healing
• your little one becoming more and more upset or avoiding having their mouth touched
• you’re not sure how to restart

If you have missed several days in a row of a plan your provider prescribed, check in with them for advice — rather than increasing it yourself. They may want to see how your little one’s tongue movement and feeding are going, and whether things have improved since the release.

Calling your provider is always fine. It isn’t an admission of anything — it is useful information.

When to stop and call, rather than push on

• your little one is becoming upset by the approach, not just the session
• you are dreading it so much that you are avoiding it
• something about the area has changed and you’re not sure what you are looking at
• you have missed enough days that you don’t know where you stand

None of these is a failure. Your provider would much rather hear about them early.

Every family finds their own way through this part. Being gentle with your little one — and with yourself — is part of getting it right.